Today is our two-year anniversary. It makes me sad how the memories of our wedding become fainter with each year, but what's lacking in clarity from that day is replaced by a truly happy marriage. Geoffrey and I live and work together (he came on as my full-time business partner in August 2012), so we see a lot of each other. I thought it would be fun to share a small glimpse into our lives with a few questions we both answered separately.
1. Since you work together, how do you balance your professional and personal lives?
Emily: That's probably our biggest struggle. Since our business is based on our lives, it's hard not to want to document everything. We try to distinguish our two different roles, so that during the day at work we treat each other as business partners, not as husband and wife. We also have rules about not talking about our jobs outside of the office so that we're not discussing Cupcakes and Cashmere on a date or in bed.
Geoffrey: It's crucial to disconnect from work when the day comes to an end. It's easier for me, since I'm not the face of the business, so I try to help Em shift her focus from being in work mode to focusing on the moment at hand. I don't like discussing or doing work outside of our "normal" business hours, which is challenging, but something I put effort into making a priority.
2. Things the other person can't live without?
E: G can't live without good coffee, The New York Times, his iPad, heavy metal (what I fondly refer to as his 'scary music'), scotch, tech blogs and his APC jeans.
G: Em can't live without champagne, Carnal Flower perfume, talking to her parents at least three times a day (each), candy, and our three cats.
3. Any favorite traditions?
E: I like our New Year's Eve day. The night before is typically pretty relaxed, but the next day we always kick things off by doing all of our favorite things. It usually involves an indulgent brunch with friends, a game of Dominoes/Scrabble/Cribbage (we might as well live in a retirement community) and some reflections on the year ahead.
G: We drive up to the Bay Area (where my in-laws live), several times a year and typically leave well before dawn. She always falls asleep before we hit the Grapevine and I love the quiet solitude of the empty highway, knowing she's so comfortable and relaxed. Even though we're not talking, it's always one of my favorite times we spend together.
4. What's the best dish the other person makes?
E: That's a tough one. I'm going to go with a three-way tie between his Sunday Gravy, pappardelle with bolognese and his spicy baked chicken wings (it's embarrassing how often I request them).
G: Her chocolate chip cookies are amazing.
5. What you've learned in two years?
E: To not assume he can read my mind. I used to think I was being chill and easy by not asking for what I wanted, only to get resentful when things didn't go as planned (the epitome of not being chill). I'm a lot more communicative, whether it's about something important or trivial like me wanting G to take out the trash. By asking for what I want, it clears up a lot of confusion and ensures we're both on the same page.
G: Clear communication and trust are two of the most important lessons I've learned. I'm more of a solitary person and have never put a lot of trust in other people, so becoming more open and comfortable with sharing my thoughts/emotions has been really important to feeling connected.
6. What's your favorite look for each other?
E: I like it best when his hair's messy and slept-in (something he'll typically only rock on the weekends), in a v-neck shirt and jeans.
G: My favorite look is a pair of fitted jeans, a t-shirt and heels. We photograph a lot of outfits, but I love it when she keeps things simple and pared down.
7. What about marriage were you not expecting?
E: We had been living together already for three years, so I sort of felt like I already had a good understanding of what marriage felt like. It was on our honeymoon in Italy that it hit me. I came down with a terrible cold on the first day and felt slightly panicky and homesick (it was my first time in Europe). But G made me feel so comfortable and safe, that I realized that wherever I'm with him is my home. And then of course, on the way back and going through customs as a family instead of two separate people felt really special.
G: I never had a romanticized view of marriage, but saw it more of an evolution of our existing relationship, which was already great. However, it surprised me how I became more protective of everything, especially Em's feelings, after exchanging vows. The shift from being connected, to being committed for life, created a stronger sense of responsibility to everything around me.
8. How do you keep things fresh?
E: I think a bit of mystery goes a long way. Even if we're leaving from home to head out on a date, I'll get ready separately so that when I emerge, he sees me as my finished self (instead of in my old robe plucking my eyebrows). We try new things together often, whether it's a new restaurant or art exhibit so that not every day feels the same. And lastly, we do things for the other person to make them feel special and like they're a priority.
G: Two things - make the other person laugh on a regular basis and create moments where you have time apart from each other. This second note might apply to us more aptly, since we work and live together, but it's important to create healthy space, so you don't lose your personal identity and learn to appreciate the brief absences.
9. Something you don't see eye-to-eye on?
E: Music. He doesn't share in my appreciation of '90s hip-hop/rap/pop and country while his taste in hard rock/metal kind of scares me. Oh and he doesn't like cheese. Who doesn't like cheese?!?
G: Definitely music. Her love of country and pop/boy bands was almost a deal breaker.
10. Two years out, is there one moment from your wedding that stands out the most?
E: Our first dance. I was so nervous leading up to it, even though we'd rehearsed countless times. I have a bad habit of trying to lead and when the song started playing, I completely froze. Thankfully G guided me through all of the steps without missing a beat, which taught me about letting go and putting my faith in someone else.
G: This may sound odd, but I loved when it was over and we were back at our hotel room, reminiscing about the night. It passed so quickly and there were so many moments; which we experienced individually, that it was great to put them together into a single shared experience, while we ate cake in bed.
Photographs: Max Wanger