When people found out I was pregnant with my first child, one of the most common questions they would ask was, “How many kids do you plan on having?” The answer changed daily, based on whether I was dealing with bouts of morning sickness (at which point the answer was one and done), or if I was feeling deliriously happy from a massive hormone surge, which led me to believe I could be pregnant forever.
Even now, whenever I tell people we're undecided on whether or not we want multiple kids, it’s often viewed as being sad or negligent. Since G and I are both only children, we have a decent perspective of the pros and cons of the situation, so I wanted to share some of our thoughts. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer, it’s all about what works best for your family.
When I was young, I routinely interrogated my parents to make sure that there were no plans to expand our family. Sure it was a bit creepy, but it also shows just how much I loved being an only child. For those who question whether only children get lonely: I never was. I was involved in a ton of group activities, had plenty of friends and truly loved the solidarity that came from not having any siblings (and the often chaotic or combative relationships I saw in other families). I think it also encouraged a different level of independence that isn't as easily attainable if you're in a house full of other kids. G also shared a little bit of his experience as well, which vastly differed from mine. He felt more isolated and would have preferred to share some of his early experiences with a sibling. And I'll be the first to admit that as an adult, I do lament the lack of connection to a brother or sister, even though there's no guarantee that we would have had a close relationship.
It's still far too early to know how many kids we'll have, but regardless of whether it's one or many, their life will be not be defined the size of their family, but rather the amount of love shared between everyone.