As of Sunday, I'm 15 weeks pregnant and am very happy to have the past few months behind me. My first trimester was hard, but not for the reasons I'd anticipated. It was less about my morning sickness and exhaustion, but more about loss of control and a heightened sense of anxiety. After the immediate joy G and I shared after confirming the pregnancy, I was struck with a sense of fear.
While I knew there was a good possibility that I could get pregnant, I had a rough timeline in my head as to when I thought it would happen, which I realize now is crazy. Being a Type A personality, I crave a certain level of control over every aspect of my life and once that was stripped away, I was left terrified. I disliked not having answers to basic questions, like how I was going to feel during my pregnancy or how a child would affect my relationship with my husband. Admittedly, it seems silly that those were my biggest fears, but I was so caught off guard I initially mourned my old life instead of celebrating what was to come.
I think there are a lot of expectations surrounding motherhood and I felt the first hints of that pressure when I became pregnant. While some women feel overly elated the moment they become pregnant, I realized that it's both unrealistic and unfair to impose such weird standards on myself. And as soon as I acknowledged that it was okay for me to feel nervous, things began to click, in the best way possible.
I've started seeing myself in this new role.
On a separate note, I know many of you are curious about how my pregnancy/motherhood is going to affect the blog and the short answer is, there won't be a big shift. Just as with our wedding, new home and other life changing moments, I'll definitely be sharing aspects of motherhood and our child, but my vision for Cupcakes and Cashmere is to remain focused on creating content that highlights the simple pleasures and elevating everyday life.