The Relationship Advice I Completely Ignored from My Grandma

I've known Jonah for seven years, been with him for six, and fought with him maybe five times. The last time we argued was so long ago, I can't even remember what it was about, but what I can remember is the time it took place because it's the same time all our fights have taken place: Right before bed.

In high school, I had a fight with my then-boyfriend that practically woke up the entire neighborhood. It was after midnight, and I remember punting his keys on the ground and storming off in a way only a moody teenage girl (think she) can pull off. I was livid and exhausted as my feet pounded the pavement on my walk home. But by the time morning came around, I was... completely calm. 

It took me a few years, and a few more relationships to finally realize the issue: I had been following my grandmother's advice, "Never go to bed angry" when I should have been ignoring it. Most of my fights have been caused, and fueled, by the simple fact that I was tired.

Driving in L.A. has taught me that some people just love to fight. But that so isn't me. I very rarely get into arguments and consider grudges to be an enormous waste of time and energy. So the few times I've fought in my life, with a friend or a boyfriend, my first instinct has been to talk through it ad nauseam until both parties feel heard and healed. But here's the thing: There comes a point when you're too tired and honestly too cranky, or the feelings are just too raw, for a productive conversation. 

At least for me, a flip switches and suddenly I'm saying things I would never say when I'm not physically (or emotionally) exhausted. I say hurtful things, desperate for the argument to end so I can go to sleep. At the end of a long day, a simple request to "wash the rest of the dishes" can escalate into something ugly.

These days, the moment Jonah or I detect any friction in the evening, we call a "time out." Are we over-tired? Do we really need to figure-out the delegation of dish-washing this minute? If the answer is "No," we put a pin in it until the morning.

As soon as Jonah and I figured this out, we literally stopped fighting. The spark that has the potential to flame-out at night always fizzles into something that can be easily solved, come morning. With all due respect to my grandmother, I'm taking my own advice these days: "Go to bed angry. But make up over coffee." 

I'd love to hear: What's the relationship advice you've ignored? Do you go to bed angry? Share in the comments below!